Let me get this straight. George Brett had a home run recalled because he had some extra pine tar on his bat, but Bonds is allowed to hold the home run record while on steroids?

Fan favorite Barry Bonds has now tied Hank Aaron atop the list of one of the highest regarded records in all of sports. We would like to take a minute to congratulate Bonds on his steroid induced record. Just because he was pumped with enough steroids to fuel the East Germany Women’s Swim team for over ten years, doesn’t mean these accomplishments shouldn’t be celebrated.

We want to nominate prima donnas from all sports. MLB is going to celebrate Bonds cheating his way to this record. So we want to nominate other athletes who have used some less than conventional techniques to success, so that they too may be celebrated in their achievements.

1) Roise Ruiz should reclaim her Boston Marathon victory. She merely improvised and took a shortcut, the subway, on her way to ‘winning’ the 1980 Boston Marathon. But apparently it doesn’t matter how you get the results, as long as you achieve them.

2) Danny Almonte shouldn’t have to give up his perfect game in the Little League World Series. He was really only a couple of years older than the kids he was pitching to. I mean, when he is 36, they will be 34, and then the age difference doesn’t seem so bad. Besides, it’s not that you are all at the same age, but that you are all at the same skill level that is important.

3) There is no need for the University of Oklahoma football team to forfeit their wins from 2005. Sure, your star quarterback, Rhett Bomar and others were being paid thousands of dollars for work they never did at a car dealership. Who cares? He was just ‘exploring options’ outside of football. And apparently he had quite the ROI on it as well. Just because he wasn’t the one doing the work doesn’t mean it didn’t get done, and that’s really the point.

4) The University of Minnesota Men’s basketball team should have their awards and titles from 1993-1999 reinstated. Just because your office manager wrote over 400 papers for at least 20 Gophers shouldn’t be cause for such harsh punishment. It’s too cold up there to be forced to write your own papers anyway.

5) Ben Johnson should still have his records and gold medals. Bonds has proven there is no reason steroids shouldn’t prevent you from holding records. Maybe we can reach an agreement by just putting an asterisk on the gold medal?

6) Tonya Harding will have her 1994 US Championship title back. There is nothing wrong with thuggery in sports. If Bonds has taught us anything, it is that if someone is better than you, beating them by playing by the rules is for suckers. It is much smarter to take a crow bar to their knee, for example.

7) George O’Leary is to be reinstated as Notre Dame head coach. Just because he claimed on his resume that he received a Masters from a school where he never graduated, and received a letter in football at a school where he never played game, there is no reason to punish him. Actually doing these things himself would have just been to stressful and time consuming.

So congratulations Mr. Bonds, you have found yourself in good company. And in a matter of days you will hold the home run record for at least a few years, until Alex Rodriguez breaks it, legally.